


complicated.

by blacksuns (orphan_account)



Series: well, this is awkward [2]
Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Break Up, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sad Ending, Strangers to Lovers, Time Skips, falling in and out of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-23 20:29:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21087362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/blacksuns
Summary: “How’s Chanhee?”“I wouldn’t know,” He says, voice awfully small, as his own voice betrays him and he sounds a lot sadder than he intends, “We broke up a few weeks ago. Haven’t seen him ever since.”“Oh, no...” Jacob coos, rubbing Younghoon’s arm gently with a sympathetic smile on his face, “I didn’t know, Younghoon, I’m so sorry to hear. I always thought you two were going to graduate, move in together and get married... I’m really sorry. What went wrong?”Younghoon doesn’t know what went wrong. “It’s… complicated.”





	complicated.

**Author's Note:**

> I mentioned when I first posted [awkward silence](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16454930) that I had an actual plot that happened before the events in awkward silence, but you know how I am, I start stories and write them for a week then forget about them for months. This one has been sitting in my laptop since May but I started it somewhere in March or April. I had planned to finish it in April, then May, then for the Summer Wip Olympics, but my other wips had the best of me, and here we are.
> 
> It took me a while, but I keep up with my promises. I promised I'd write a prequel, so here we have it! I wrote it to [Complicated](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NPBIwQyPWE) so I only find fitting you read it too!

The story starts like this.

Kim Younghoon is retaking Introduction to Microeconomics. It is, much to his despise, a mandatory class for his business degree. He can’t take another elective class to compensate for the 3 credits that Introduction to Microeconomics is worth, no, he needs to retake the class and sit through another semester of classes and hope that this time, he finds someone willing to help him cheat his way through assignments and finals.

Thing is, this particular class is only taught during the first semester of the academic year for some reason Academic Services explained that made no real sense, which means he has to wait for the beginning of the following academic year to retake it. When he turns up to the first week of classes, now as a second-year student, he’s alone in this huge class full of first year students. He doesn’t know anyone because they’re mostly first year Economics students, which makes things even better. Younghoon ends up being tossed around different groups throughout the semester, sitting quietly through lectures and not interacting with a single soul outside the people he’s grouped with for the duration of the projects.

3 credits aren’t that worth it.

Unsurprisingly enough, Younghoon is almost failing once again when it comes to the end of the semester. He’s tried studying with his friends, tried studying with Sangyeon’s very carefully taken notes, watching video lessons, even asking for his lecturer for help — absolutely nothing works for him. His grade is hanging by a thread, having barely scraped through two group projects and a paper. Lucky for him, some group of very kind-hearted people agreed to take him in for their final project after the lecturer expressed to them how Younghoon was struggling when he missed the class in which they formed groups. The group consists of him and two guys: Wooseok, who’s also a business major but from the year below, and Chanhee, who he kind of knows by association. It goes somewhere along the lines of Younghoon’s roommate Jaehyun’s boyfriend Sangyeon being friends with this guy named Jacob, who knows this other dude named Sunwoo, who knows Chanhee, who’s the first-year economics major that adopted him for the final microeconomics project.

Basically, a friend of a friend of a friend. Sort of. Close enough.

Truth be told, Younghoon doesn’t really expect them to do much besides assigning him a part of the project and exchanging phone numbers so they can keep in touch outside the classroom and set up a few dates to meet up and work on their project. When Chanhee asks him if he’s okay with the way the assignments were divided, Younghoon finds that there’s no way he can lie about being remotely okay about not being able to do anything they assigned him.

“I can’t do literally anything on this anything,” He says, sighing into his fist and dropping his head on the table, “I can’t do this.”

Chanhee blankly stares at him, then blinks in confusion, “Why didn’t you say so? We could’ve divided the work in a different way if you had said something. Is there anything in particular that you feel like you can do?”

“Honestly?” He asks, then laughs, wanting to cry, “Not really. I failed this class last year and I’ll probably fail again this time around. Please help me. I don’t wanna be stuck in this class for the rest of my academic life.”

Wooseok is awfully quiet in his seat, staring at anything but Younghoon. Of course. Younghoon looks pathetic like this, crying for the help of first-years.

“I’ll help you.” Chanhee offers, “On one condition, though.”

Younghoon cocks an eyebrow at him, “Please. I’ll do anything.”

“You need to pass,” Chanhee says with a grin, like it’s some sort of dare, laying his hand down on the table and looking up to Younghoon, “I don’t care if you scrape your way through or get the minimum grade to pass. You need to be willing to do everything at your power to pass. This means staying up late, possibly all night, and working your ass off. That’s all. You’ll find that it’s not that hard when you stop looking at it as some sort of mythological monster. I’ll help you with your part of the project and with studying too. It’s doable, trust me.”

Younghoon reaches for Chanhee’s hand and motions for them to shake hands.

“Deal.”

They agree to work on the project every Friday after class; it’s the only day they both get off class early so they can spend the rest of the afternoon working. At first, they try staying at the library, but the library doesn’t appreciate them there and shows them their way out after the second week, so they have to resort to coffee shops and common areas on campus to work. Wooseok is unable to join them because he has classes, but he’s always updating them on the progress of his part of the project on their groupchat. The three of them manage to do very well on their project, and they go out for dinner to celebrate having the best grade in the whole class.

Younghoon loses touch with Wooseok after that. Sure, they still see each in class and other around campus, but they don’t talk anymore now that they don’t have a reason to.

He expects the same to happen with Chanhee, because that’s what happened with pretty much everyone he’s worked with for this class. But Chanhee always goes out of his way to sit beside Younghoon at the back of the classroom, offering him his notes and asking him out on study dates, every Friday afternoon after class. They don’t always study microeconomics despite it being the only class they have together, but they do help each other with tweaking papers here and there and breaking down some concepts with complicated names. Younghoon likes asking Chanhee to proofread his papers because he has an eye for typos and silly grammar mistakes, which he always point out instead of letting Younghoon hand in a paper explaining the importance of lettuce — rather than storytelling — in social marketing, and how picked companies A, B and C could benefit from it. They’re friends. Study friends.

It’s 3am the night before their final. They’re sitting in Younghoon’s living room, notes and textbooks spread all over the center table, cramming some last bits of information before taking a 2-hour nap to run in time for their final at 8 o’clock.

Younghoon’s entire body aches, crashing after a sugar high induced by all 4 energy drinks he drank throughout the night. He sinks into the floor, resting his head on the table and sighs tiredly, ready to give up.

“God, I’m so gonna fail,” He groans, “I can’t do this. My brain is gonna melt if I look at another page about economic tendencies or market studies. I give up.”

“You can’t give up now, Younghoon. Come on, we didn’t stay up for you to give up,” Chanhee says, nudging him, “If you give up, then I give up. Let’s just go to sleep then.”

That startles Younghoon. He could care less about passing this class, but Chanhee, the smartest kid in said class, giving up just because his dumb ass did? He can’t let that happen.

“No, no, no, Chanhee! You can’t just... give up! You’re the smartest in our class. This final will probably go super smoothly for you, you can’t give up!”

“Then neither can you,” Chanhee says, pressing his finger in Younghoon’s chest, “That’s our deal, remember? I’d help you study if you did everything you could do to pass. Giving up isn’t a part of the deal.”

“Why did you even agree to help me, anyway?” Younghoon asks, “I’m a lost cause. You’re wasting your time trying to convince me.”

“I couldn’t stand watching you sit through classes with that stupid clueless look on your face without doing something about it, so I convinced Wooseok to put you in our group project. Then, as time went on, I realized I actually liked you but I didn’t have the guts to confess. So here we are,” Chanhee blabbers quickly in a way so Younghoon will get lost trying to piece his sentences together because he’s too sleepy to fully pay attention to Chanhee’s sudden confession, but it doesn’t work. Younghoon has his full attention on him, big brown eyes staring at Chanhee’s face, “4am before our final and I’m hoping to God you’re too tired to remember anything I just said.”

Younghoon leans in and kisses him quiet. He smiles against Chanhee’s mouth and mutters, “I’m not that tired.”

“Fuck,” Chanhee groans, sliding his hand up Younghoon’s bicep before he presses another kiss to Younghoon’s mouth, “You have no idea of how bad I wanna ditch your final and kiss you until I pass out.”

“If I get positive marks for this final, you’ll take me out on a date. Everything on you,” Younghoon says in between kisses, trying to catch his breath and avoid laying down on top of Chanhee’s precious notes, “Deal?”

Chanhee quirks an eyebrow, “And what if you don’t?”

“Then I’ll take you out on a date. Everything on me.”

Chanhee laughs, and Younghoon’s chest feels warm and fuzzy and full, “Deal.”

* * *

“I can’t believe you dunk your fries in ice cream. That’s literally disgusting.”

Chanhee looks at him in pure disbelief. As if Younghoon had just called his first born ugly or something. “Fries with ice cream is the best combination to ever be created by mankind. Your opinion is irrelevant. I’m right, you’re wrong, fries with ice cream is delicious, fuck you.”

“I thought we were the best combination to ever be created by mankind, though.”

Chanhee blushes, tips of his ears burning red, playfully shoving his shoulder. Younghoon grins happily, nosing Chanhee’s cheek, “You’re such a flirt. We’re cute, but we’re not that cute. Fries with ice cream remains superior. Period.”

“Guess it’s up to me to change your mind, then,” He says, pressing a kiss to Chanhee’s cheek, “Are you sure there is no way I can get your mind, Chanhee-yah?”

“You can try,” Chanhee whispers, and winks, fluttering his eyelashes, “But I’m hard to convince. I’m a Taurus, you know how stubborn Taurus are. So good luck.”

“I have no idea of what that means but I’ll take it. If I get you to change your mind, then our next date is on you, _honey_.”

“Alright. It’s a bet, _darling_.”

* * *

When Younghoon, clueless and naïve and trying too hard to impress Younghoon, asks Chanhee out for a gym date, it takes all of Chanhee’s willpower not to say no. Chanhee hates the gym and any sort of physical activity, for that matter, regardless of where it’s performed: at the gym, in a pool, outside, or in his own couch, Chanhee is proud to declare himself a couch potato. Being small and not having a lot of money is enough stress already.

But Younghoon doesn’t need to know that he’s a lazy, stereotypical Taurus that doesn’t go out of the house unless he absolutely needs to, is forced to by bigger forces of the universe (read: Ji Changmin) or if there are free food and drinks involved. For the sake of this date and getting to know each other before they dive into more handsy activities, Chanhee dresses his only gym clothes and heads out for a spinning class he knows he’s going to hate every second of solely because he likes Younghoon. Relationships are about compromise, he tells himself. He can make this tiny _(huge)_ bit _(enormous)_ amount of effort if he actually wants them to go any further than the third _official_ date — pretending to study and making out in corners of the library where the library can’t see them don’t count as dates, by the way. Which, for the first time, he wants to. He doesn’t really know what or why, but he knows they can work things out if they both try hard enough. It’s just something sitting there, on the back of his mind.

So there they are, as stiff as uncooked spaghetti noodles on top of their bikes, sweating like crazy as they try to keep up to speed with the teacher, who’s been screaming excitedly for them to keep going for the past half hour. Chanhee has been trying to catch Younghoon’s eye for at least ten minutes, urging for him to look at him so he could at least let him know he was about to pass out of cardiac arrest on top of that goddamn bike.

They look into each other’s eyes and the feeling is mutual.

_Let’s get the hell out of here._

They go out for ice cream the second they step out of the gym. It’s terrible, terrible thing to do; it’s terrible for Chanhee’s diet, he claims, but that doesn’t stop him from ordering himself a banana split with extra whipped cream on top, nor does it stop Younghoon from getting himself a large milkshake with two straws. Chanhee blushes but Younghoon doesn’t understand exactly why, proceeding to shove both straws in his mouth and unceremoniously sucking on his milkshake.

“You were supposed to give _me_ the other straw, Younghoon.”

“Sorry, babe. Forgive my manners,” Younghoon pulls out one straw and offers it to Chanhee, kind of bitten and covered in saliva, “Here you go.”

“You’re disgusting,” He says, but still takes it, “You could’ve at least given me the one you didn’t bite like a chew toy.”

Younghoon pulls out the other straw, equally as bitten and gross. Chanhee stares at him in disgust, pushes the milkshake and the banana split to the side and leans over to kiss Younghoon quiet.

Maybe they _are_ meant to be, after all.

* * *

“Don’t go to class today,” Chanhee groans against the back of Younghoon’s neck, clinging onto him, tight fingers around his waist as Younghoon motions to get out of bed and get himself ready for class, “I’m sick and I need cuddles.”

“You’re not even sick.”

Chanhee fake coughs, latching on Younghoon’s arm with surprising iron grip. “I’m very, very sick. Skip class and come cuddle with me, big boy.”

“I have to be out the door in 10 minutes, babe.”

“Not my problem,” He whines, pulling Younghoon closer and trapping him in his arms, “You’re warm and cuddly and you smell nice, too.”

Younghoon sighs against Chanhee’s chest and lets himself be hugged, “You’re the worst for my willpower, I swear. How am I supposed to say no to you?”

“That’s exactly my point. You’re not. Just… be quiet for now. Let’s go back to sleep.”

* * *

If Younghoon wasn’t young and dumb and helplessly in love with Chanhee, he would’ve said to himself things were moving too fast. That he shouldn’t start dating someone after the fourth date. That he should wait and see instead where this could take them instead of rushing into a relationship with a guy he barely knows.

But Younghoon is young and dumb and helplessly in love with Chanhee. They start dating after the fourth date, because they’re young and anxious and naïve when it comes to love and relationships.

Younghoon is first introduced to Changmin, cute but equally threatening guy who threatens to kill him with a spoon if he ever did anything to Chanhee, Juyeon, Changmin’s friendly giant of a boyfriend, and Kevin, Changmin’s equally as friendly but not as giant boyfriend.

As a _friend_. From microeconomics class.

Duh.

The three of them seem to be too in love with each other to realize the obvious flirting, too oblivious in their own world to pay attention to the way Younghoon and Chanhee are holding hands underneath the table when they go out for a casual dinner at the pizza place right down the street from Chanhee’s apartment. Kevin(?) — Younghoon isn’t quite sure of who’s who yet — gives them a knowing look while Chanhee, Juyeon and Changmin argue over splitting the bill, but Younghoon doesn’t know if it’s a _‘I know you two are dating’ _or _‘I know you like him’_ kind of look. Either are equally scary, so Younghoon decides he’s definitely scared of Changmin’s not so gigantic boyfriend.

Younghoon introduces Chanhee to Jaehyun, Jacob and Sangyeon. Jacob and Sangyeon take an immediate liking to Chanhee, and Jaehyun... Is kind of skeptical at first. He’s looking out for Younghoon, in a way; Younghoon has never dated anyone before Chanhee. Jaehyun is just being an overly protective friend, but that’s the usual for him, so Younghoon doesn’t mind. It takes him a while to start liking Chanhee, though Chanhee himself admits it’s weird that they’re simply not clicking when they’re both Earth signs. Chanhee says it’s because he’s a Capricorn moon or a Scorpio rising or both, whatever that’s supposed to mean.

Then, they work their ways around their friends to merge their friend groups together into this franken circle of friends, who are already a bunch of acquaintances and friends of friends to begin with, which only makes things easier for them.

It goes down like this: Younghoon and Chanhee invite everyone — yes, all 12 of their closest friends from both sides — for dinner at their preferred fried chicken place just down the street from Younghoon’s dorm. They make a reservation for 8pm, get there, order themselves a tower of beer and a bottle of soju each, and wait. In the span of half an hour, their friends arrive and get settled around the long rectangular table. They order, eat, drink, laugh at Sunwoo and Eric’s friendly banter and enjoy Jaehyun’s excellent storytelling skills as they take a deep dive into one of his many awkward stories from past relationships and just his existence in general.

Right after they order dessert, Younghoon and Chanhee decide to finally announce their relationship to their friends and go public with the whole being a couple thing. Which, to them, is kind of a big deal.

Except, when they tell them they’re dating, the reactions aren’t quite as they expected. If anything, they're quite... Underwhelming.

“I hate to be the one breaking the news to you lovebirds but literally everyone in this table knew you two were dating for months. You weren’t being exactly… Discrete about it,” Kevin says from behind his tower of beer, “No one smiles at their phone so much unless they’re looking at pictures of their emotional support kpop person, and I know Chanhee hasn’t looked at one single Taeyeon picture ever since he met you, so it was easy to figure it out.”

Hyunjun, who Younghoon met a few hours ago, introduced to him as Sangyeon and Jaehyun’s love child, looks at his boyfriend Sunwoo from across the table with the biggest shit eating grin ever and goes, “See? I told you they were dating! You owe my 5 thousand won, Sunwoo Kim.”

Sunwoo looks offended at the prospect of paying his boyfriend over a bet _he lost_, “No fucking way. I don’t believe it. How did you, of all people, know?”

“It wasn’t hard to figure out.”

“You didn’t even know them,” Sunwoo argues, to which Hyunjun responds, “Jaehyun-hyung is roommates with Younghoon-hyung. He figured it out by himself, then he told Sangyeon-hyung, who told me. I told you, but your dumbass didn’t believe me. And they just confirmed it themselves, Seonu, stop being stupid and congratulate your hyungs on their relationship.”

Chanhee and Younghoon exchange glares, laughing nervously, “You guys knew?”

Everyone but Sunwoo nods.

“Oh, well, this was way easier than I thought,” Younghoon sighs in relief, squeezing Chanhee’s waist, “I didn’t think you guys would’ve realized. That’s great, actually! Now we can be gross and disgustingly in love and show everyone how hashtag relationship goals we are.”

“Ew, you guys, stop with the bedroom eyes!” Jaehyun interjects, covering Hyunjun’s and Eric’s eyes, “There are children here!”

“The children can close their eyes!” Chanhee says nonchalantly, pulling Younghoon for a kiss. He smiles against Younghoon’s mouth when they break away and whispers, “Can we get rid of them and go home?”

“Should I urge Jaehyun to go sleep over at Sangyeon’s while I’m at it?”

“_You’re the best._ I love you.”

* * *

For their first-year anniversary, Younghoon decides to go big. Matching Gucci rings with each other’s names engraved on the inner rim, VIP tickets to the opening night of Taeyeon’s Persona tour and a cross tattoo on his pinky to match with the one Chanhee has on his left pinky.

Chanhee calls him a sap but still laces their fingers together and makes a promise, “I, Choi Chanhee, promise to help you do your laundry, even though you’re a grown man and you should know how to get your underwear dry without shrinking it in the dryer. I promise to proofread your modelling contracts because your agent is too much of a moron at times, and because I don’t my baby in any sort of legal trouble either. I promise to be with you and love you forever. I love you, Younghoon, I love you so, so much. You drive me absolutely insane. You have no idea.”

It’s Younghoon’s turn to laugh and call Chanhee a sap, leaning in to kiss his boyfriend’s nose, “Are we getting married now or what?”

“I don’t know. _Are we?_ We could be, though. We already have the rings. We just need… everything else. Like friends, family, suits, _cake,_ a venue... A wedding planner would be nice, but I don’t know if it’s worth the splurge. Do you think we could bribe Jaehyun-hyung with cake?”

“We can get married after graduation,” Younghoon says dreamily, “Organize our own wedding. Let’s leave Jaehyun out of this. He’s terrified of weddings and commitment, asking him to organize our wedding is the equivalent of sending him on a suicide mission. So I’m thinking… Instead of spending money on a wedding party. Let’s get ourselves a place to call our own. No creepy landlords, annoying roommates or crazy contracts. Just us.”

“Okay,” Chanhee agrees, nuzzling Younghoon’s chest, “After graduation, then.”

* * *

“At what time were you born?”

“I… I wouldn’t know,” Younghoon shrugs, clueless, “Wouldn’t I be born somewhere in 24 hours?”

Chanhee stares incredibly hard at his laptop screen. “What? Why?”  
“I wanna read your birth chart,” He says back, “But if you don’t know the time you were born, then it won’t be as accurate. I just wanna know if I’m right about your Pisces Moon. And see if our Venuses are compatible, of course.”

“What does that even mean?”

“You’re such a crybaby, love,” Chanhee coos, pinching Younghoon’s cheek, “And I think that has to do with your water placements. I’m thinking a Pisces Moon and maybe a Cancer Venus. You could be a Scorpio rising too, but that’s a stretch. Can I call your mom and ask her?”

“I don’t think she’d know. But… What would be the point in calling her? Let’s just go with your thoughts and say you’re right even if you could not be. I trust you with my birth chart. Tell me about our Moons matching or whatever that was?”

Chanhee grins happily, leaning in for a kiss, “You _do_ know the way to my heart, don’t you?”

“Through your fourth and fifth rib.”

“God, I love you so much, _it’s insane_.”

* * *

“Listen here, _champ,_ next time you’re hungover, I’m not going to hold your head out of the toilet,” It’s the first thing a very angry Chanhee says first thing in the morning, pulling the curtains open. Younghoon blinks, trying to get used to the sudden clarity in the room, and sends Chanhee a confused look. Chanhee angrily places a bottle of water and aspirin on the nightstand, crossing his arms over his chest as he stands by the bed. “Next time I’m going to let you drown in your own puke.”

“Good morning, Chanhee, my dearest, my beloved, my one and only. Did you sleep well, love and light of my life?”

“You’ve been served, Kim Younghoon,” He says unceremoniously, “This is the last time I’m going to wake up to make you bacon sandwiches at 3am because you’re hungry. You’re a grown man. You can make your own bacon sandwiches.”

“But they taste _soooo_ much better when you make them for me, babe.”

“Order fried chicken next time. Stop waking me up because you’re hungry, babe. I’m the Taurus in this relationship, if anyone has the right to wake the other up for food, then it’s obviously me.”

“Are you really mad at me that I woke you up for a bacon sandwich?”

Chanhee sighs, laying down in bed beside Younghoon, “Of course not, you idiot. I love you too much to get angry over something so stupid. It’s just that I’m tired and I don’t want to go back to bed smelling like bacon. If you asked me at literally any other time of the day, I wouldn’t mind, whether it’d be for lunch or dinner. Just stop doing it whilst I’m trying to sleep.”

“Babe, I love you and I get that you’re upset, but can you please speak lower? My head hurts.”

“Of course it hurts. It better hurt, actually. That’s what you get for not taking the aspirin I got you, silly,” Chanhee groans, taking the aspirin and the bottle of water and shoving them against Younghoon’s chest, “Take some aspirin. It will help with the headache.”

“Do you mind if I go back to sleep, babe?”

“Not at all, as long as you leave me some space in bed too,” Chanhee scoffs, which gets Younghoon to scoot a tad bit to the side, getting up quickly to close the blinds and turn off the lights, then coming back as quickly to lay down next to Younghoon. He slides under the covers and sighs lazily, “You may only wake me up when _you_ make me a bacon sandwich as an apology. Good night, babe.”

* * *

It’s easy for them to fall into domestic bliss. They complement each other really well in many ways. To the same extent that they both the fun, the sweat and the sweet ecstasy of parties and the loud conversations over even louder music and bad jokes of social gatherings, they also love staying at home in their pajamas doing absolutely nothing. It’s all about balance, Chanhee explains after elbowing Younghoon on the side for the nth Zhang Yixing _‘balance!’_ Idol Producer reference, when their friends ask them how they manage to keep up with their social lives, coursework and being the perfect couple at the same time without having to sacrifice their alone time to be with their friends, or sacrificing time with their friends to be on their own.

_Balance. _

Being awfully domestic and doing most things they’d usually be doing on their own together also helps, Younghoon points out. They go out mostly during the week, meeting for lunch in between classes, and Chanhee does practically live with Younghoon at this point. He crashes at Younghoon’s shared flat throughout the week when he’s too lazy to get the bus all the way to where he lives. In return, Younghoon spends almost every weekend at Chanhee’s apartment. Sometimes they go out on Saturdays, for lunch, groceries and at times for gatherings. But Sundays are sacred. Sundays are their special day, reserved for sleeping in and lazing around before the start of yet another week.

It’s like… they were meant for each other. _Made_ for each other. They dream and talk about getting married, possibly getting engaged after Chanhee graduates next spring and moving in together in a place to call their own.

Younghoon has just graduated, so he focuses on work for the time being. He has done modelling gigs here and there all the way throughout university years, some photoshoots for fashion major Kim Hongjoong here and there, but his career only started going _somewhere_ after walking Seoul Fashion Week with Juyeon — who, coincidentally enough, is also a model, what a coincidence! He’s a real model now, with an agency and an agent and everything. His agent has been busy trying to book him to as many shoots as possible. Chanhee goes to some of his shoots when time allows him to; even if he’s just sitting in the corner of a cramped studio staring at his phone for most of the time, his presence on its own already eases Younghoon’s mind and body to get himself ready for a full day of shooting.

Modeling isn’t half as glamourous as the media portrays it to be. The hours are crazy and all over the place, the pay is inconsistent, and his agent is a total mess, but spending the weekend of their third anniversary in the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Bangkok, sipping on champagne in a terrace and toasting to Younghoon’s success as a model and Chanhee’s academic success back at home, isn’t _all that bad._

* * *

_“Hey, Younghoon-ah, are you free tonight?”_ Jaehyun says on the phone, _“I’m dragging Sangyeon to a club so we can try and act like a regular young couple for once. Wanna join us? First round it’s on Sangyeo- Ouch, you bastard, stop pinching me so hard, babe, it hurts! Okay, okay, fine. First round on me!”_

“Oh, man, I wish, but I don’t wanna disturb your, uh, couple plans,” He laughs at the prospect of Sangyeon and Jaehyun, a couple of old men stuck in bodies of 20-something year olds, going to a club, “And I have also been assigned babysitting duty tonight now that Chanhee’s away.”

_“So he got you a puppy, huh?”_ Jaehyun teases,_ “Please, for the love of God, don’t tell me he’s assigned you the responsibility of looking after a **human** child.”_

“Nah, man. He got a dog the other day. I’m just looking it after now that he is away.”

_“Dude, you’re so stupid.”_

“That’s not nice.”

_“He’s test-driving you,”_ Jaehyun says, confident that he knows Younghoon’s boyfriend better than Younghoon himself based on their 0.2 interactions over the past 3 years, and Younghoon rolls his eyes so hard he almost fears his eyeballs will roll out of his skull at any second, _“Oh, man, he’s **so** test-driving you. This is hilarious. I didn’t think you were the type.”_

“He isn’t test-driving me,” Younghoon protests, “Chanhee wouldn’t do that. I’m a dog person! Why exactly would he need to test-drive me? I love dogs!” 

Jaehyun stays quiet for a solid minute.

“Oh my God, Chanhee is test-driving me.” 

_“Yes, you dumb idiot, he is,”_ And he laughs, like the terrible best friend he is, _“Well, at least that’s a good thing, right? I don’t think he’d go out of his way to test-drive you if he didn’t intend on making you the co-parent of his dog. Which, by the way, would be a huge accomplishment. Should I start preparing my best man speech already?”_

“Jacob is going to be my best man.”

_“You wouldn’t dare.”_

“Sangyeon-hyung is going to be my best man.”

_“Okay, you know what? I called you to ask you out to come party with us, I didn’t ask to be attacked like this. Have fun babysitting your boyfriend’s puppy, you… You old, boring man.”_

* * *

“Can you please, for the love of God, take your cold ass feet away from my legs?” Younghoon groans, trying to escape Chanhee’s iron grip, “I’m not your personal feet warmer. Wear some socks like the rest of us.”

“I lose my socks when I’m asleep. Our bed is the portal to a parallel sock dimension where they go to never be found again. I don’t wanna lose the cute duck socks Kevin gave me. He brought them from Canada, hyung, I can’t just _lose_ them.”

“Nice try, bringing Kevin’s socks into this,” Younghoon huffs, “I’ve seen your wardrobe. You have plenty of socks. I myself have folded them and put them in your underwear drawer many times. Please.”

“Fine. But I’ll sleep with some of your socks instead. And you don’t get to blame me if they go missing after I fall asleep.”

“They’re not going to go missing, they’re socks!” He argues with a pout, “They’ll be somewhere under the sheets, not in another dimension. Trust me. And if they do vanish or whatever, I know you kick when you’re asleep and you’ve probably been kicking them off bed all along, then I’ll let you use my legs are warmers for your cold feet. Deal?”

Chanhee grins, jumping back in bed and huddling next to Younghoon, “Deal, babe.”

* * *

Chanhee’s graduation is around the corner and Younghoon is over the moon. They’ve been talking about possibly getting engaged after Chanhee’s graduation and moving in together for years, and now that the graduation is just a few weeks away, Younghoon is so excited he feels his entire body and soul shaking from excitement as they get closer and closer from the start of their future together. Younghoon has been looking at apartments on his own, in between shoots and business trips, now that Chanhee is stressing out over handing in his thesis and finishing the reports for his internship; Chanhee barely has time for anything that isn’t eating, writing and studying. He doesn’t mind the lack of time, however; he trusts Younghoon to find a place that’s perfect for them — close to public transport, in a not so busy neighborhood they can’t sleep at night because of traffic and drunkards wandering, for an accessible price.

The catch?

Younghoon isn’t looking for apartments for rent, but to buy. He started saving money when he first started working to get himself his own place after he graduated, but the plans have changed now, and definitely for the better. It’s going to be his engagement gift for Chanhee: their own apartment, with no annoying roommates _(sorry, Jaehyun)_, creepy landlords or crazy contracts. Just them, and their home.

It’s going to be _perfect_. Younghoon can’t wait.

* * *

For their fourth anniversary, Younghoon has everything planned. He creates a groupchat with Juyeon, Kevin and Changmin and begs for their help to pick out the perfect ring. Floods them with questions about stones, white gold or silver, thickness and size overall, and though they aren’t exactly when it comes to picking out the perfect ring, Younghoon ends up buying a pair of white gold engagement rings that he finds perfect for them. It’s just a thin gold band that he gets his name and Chanhee’s names engraved on the inner rim. They’re reminiscent of the Gucci rings he got them for their first anniversary, but now they’re engagement rings.

_They’re getting engaged. _

Younghoon can’t believe this is actually happening.

All the contractual issues and bureaucracy regarding the apartment have already been solved. He’s paid for the initial deposit and the first two parts of the payment already. They can move in right after Chanhee’s graduation in a few weeks, according to the previous owner, and Younghoon is ecstatic. He really, really can’t believe this is really happening.

** _They’re getting engaged!_ **

He’s counting the days, biting his fingernails anxiously. In the matter of a few more days, they will go from Younghoon and Chanhee, boyfriends, to Younghoon and Chanhee, future husbands. It’s such an overwhelmingly happy feeling, to be so young and naïve and so blessed with a relationship like theirs, and so, so comforting that everything is working out for them. That, out of so many people they could’ve met and fallen for, they met and fell for each other. Younghoon can’t see himself getting married to anyone else that isn’t Chanhee; if he doesn’t get to spend the rest of his life with Chanhee, then he’d rather not spend with anyone else at all. Love doesn’t make sense when it isn’t with Chanhee. He loves Chanhee so, so much. He can barely believe they’re so lucky.

* * *

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“Sorry, babe, I couldn’t hear you,” Younghoon says in confusion, plucking out his earbuds and turning his attention to his boyfriend, awkwardly standing in front of him, “What did you say?”

“I said… God, why is this so hard?” Chanhee replies, staring at anything but his boyfriend right in front of him, “I said, I can’t do this anymore.”

“This what? Uni? Work? Your thesis? Babe, you gotta-”

“Us,” Chanhee interrupts him, “The relationship._ You._ I… I think we’re moving too fast. This is too much. I don’t think I can do this.”

He’s confused. “Do what? Date?”

“You want to _marry me,_ Younghoon. Did you really think I wouldn’t figure out? You’re suddenly talking to my best friends, acting all suspicious, hiding the rings inside your underwear drawer, and all of this,” Chanhee blabbers, gesturing a large circle with his arms, “is too much for me. I have commitment issues. I don’t ever think any of my relationships is going to last because I’m insecure and I hate myself too much to let myself be happy. I didn’t think we’d be here, almost four years later, and still be together. I thought maybe we’d fool around for six months or something then move on and never see each other again, and then...”

Silence.

“I love you so much, Younghoon, you have no idea how hard this is to me,” He continues, “But I can’t do this. It isn’t fair with either of us.”

“I don’t see what the problem is. If I love you and you love me, then why break up? We don’t have to get married. That was just a stupid idea of mine, we don’t have to go through with it,” Younghoon tries to laugh it off, play it cool, but a loud sob escapes from his throat instead, “We can just… Be together. No real commitment, no engagement, no marriage, just us… Like it’s always been. Please, Chanhee, I... I love you so much, I can’t do this without you. _Don’t leave me._”

“How can you not see what the problem is? You want to get married, Younghoon, move in together, start a family, live a happily ever after kind of story. I _can’t_ have that. I won’t ever have that,” Chanhee sighs, burying his face in his hands in frustration, “I want you to be happy. But you won’t ever be happy as long as I’m around, and you deserve better. You deserve the whole world, Younghoon, but I couldn’t ever give you that.”

Younghoon is speechless.

_Is this really happening?_

He closes his eyes and pinches himself in the arm. Chanhee is still there, nose runny and eyes puffy, staring at the floor, and he’s still breaking up with him, “I love you, Younghoon, but your love is scaring me. I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.”

And he leaves.

The velvet box in the back pocket of Younghoon’s jeans is now a painful reminder that everything he hoped for them and their future is now just a dream that will never come true. Younghoon hugs his pillow and cries himself to sleep that night.

* * *

The next day, when Younghoon comes back home after class, that he somehow managed to attend, all of Chanhee’s things are gone. Everything Chanhee had ever left at Younghoon’s flat; his spare toothbrush, his pajamas, slippers, old textbooks, forgotten chargers and earbuds…

**Gone. **

_Just like him._

Younghoon finds Chanhee’s Economics Class of 2021 hoodie hidden underneath the thick blankets they used during the winter. He remembers convincing Chanhee to buy his hoodie a size up so Younghoon could wear it and Chanhee would wear his, that would already be a size up because Younghoon is taller and has longer limbs. He tries to find his Business Class of 2020 hoodie, but it’s nowhere to be found. Chanhee probably mistook it for his hoodie and took it instead. He can just… send him a text message and ask for it back. Not that Chanhee will reply, or even read his message, but it’s fine.

It’s just a stupid hoodie.

It’s just a stupid hoodie that he hugs for dear life and drowns in the smell of Chanhee’s cologne and the reminiscent scent of his skin, and cries himself to sleep again.

* * *

“How’s Chanhee?” Jacob asks in an attempt to make small talk, twirling a spoon inside his teacup.

Younghoon can’t even be mad at Jacob for asking that question, because it’s an automatic question for his friends to ask at this point. Everyone knows them as Younghoon and Chanhee, perfect for each other, as one of those perfect couples from the movies but in real life. It’s natural for their friends to assume that everyone’s relationship goals would be together, because Younghoon and Chanhee haven’t told anyone about the breakup just yet.

Younghoon hasn’t because he still has hope of them getting back together, of Chanhee coming back to his senses and realizing he can’t just walk away from a 4-year relationship without saying a word or at the very least telling Younghoon what he did wrong. (He hasn’t told anyone yet because he still refuses to believe Chanhee won’t be coming back to him.) He refuses to believe that Chanhee turned off a switch in his brain and woke up one day unable to exist in the same existential plane as Younghoon.

Younghoon doesn’t know if Chanhee did. Chanhee probably hasn’t told anyone either, and can he blame him?

“I wouldn’t know,” He says, voice awfully small, as his own voice betrays him and he sounds a lot sadder than he intends, “We broke up a few weeks ago. Haven’t seen him ever since.”

“Oh, no...” Jacob coos, rubbing Younghoon’s arm gently with a sympathetic smile on his face, “I didn’t know, Younghoon, I’m so sorry to hear. I always thought you two were going to graduate, move in together and get married... I’m really sorry. What went wrong?”

_Younghoon doesn’t know what went wrong._ “It’s… complicated.”

**Author's Note:**

> Complaints, compliments and other forms of feedback are always welcome! Feel free to yell at me in the comments, too! I promise I'll give them a happy ending someday. Just not today. 
> 
> I'll see you again very soon (hopefully)! ♡


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